To Co-Habitate, or not to co-habitate....
Q. I have a question for you regarding Common Law Marriages....Here it goes.
I was involved with this man for 10 years. We lived together and had a wonderful live. We rented [together] and right after 9/11, he talked about buying a home. He said he thought we would have a better chance of getting the mortgage as my credit was bad many, many years back...He also said that his ex wife wouldn't be able to go after me for anything..He went thru a very ugly divorce right after we met.
I agreed to it as I always knew he would do right by me..Well in 2002, we bought the house. I contributed $1,200.00 each month towards the mortgage (excluding groceries, clothes, etc.)
Late last September right after I had back surgery he tells me he needs a break. He needs to know he can make it on his own...I could go on, but I'm sure you know the outcome.
Well, when I asked him to give me back what I put into the home for the last 2 years, he said NO, that it was his house and that he had contacted an attorney and I had no rights.
I moved out and left almost everything. When I tell you that, it's true..I left everything. I moved into an apartment. And here he is living large in this home which has now almost doubled in price.
I did contact an attorney . . . and he told me that I did not have any rights as common law is not considered legal in [my State]. He was a very nice and said I could spend thousands and thousands of dollars, but would lose. He asked, why I didn't sign a cohabitation agreement. I had never heard of it before.
I know nothing can be done, but I thought I'd ask anyway. [By the way], I think everyone should be made aware of this "cohabitation agreement."
A. I really hate these kind of situations because they are so unfair. It sounds as if you, in good faith, relied on a guy you thought you could rely on, but when he was done with you, he dumped you, without any consideration of your time together, the things you did for each other, or the things you did for him. Then, to add insult to injury, he acts like the last ten years was nothing more than a long date.
Unfortunately, that is the risk of getting heavily and deeply involved with someone without the benefit of marriage. With marriage, there are definite rules involved, and ways to divide property. This is not usually so with "live-in" relationships. However, some courts and some states have recognized the unfairness of the "live-in" situations after they end. A co-habitation agreement sounds like a good solution before the fact. For instances like yours that arise after the fact, I know that some states also recognize "palimony" suits. If I remember correctly, California first recognized that folks who lived together for a long period of time, and invested together in things like property, businesses, and stock, each have interests that should be recognized and divided between them once the relationship ends.
I do not know if your state recognizes palimony suits. However, I urge you to contact a family law attorney in your area and ask about a palimony suit, specifically. Make sure you give detail to the attorney when you explain the situation, because ten years is a long time to be living with someone, and investing in real estate, and leaving your personal belongings behind, for you to have to walk away with nothing. I suggest you consult with someone sooner, rather than later, because there may be a time period involved in bringing such an action, if they're recognized at all.
In addition, it's not entirely clear from your question who was on the deed, who was on the mortgage, and who was supposed to pay what to who. If there is some kind of writing to establish that you were paying $1,200 per month towards the mortgage (maybe you made a note on your checks that this was towards the mortgage?), and you paid something like $25,000 or $30,000 towards the mortgage over the past two years, you might be able to convince a judge that you have that much equity in the property and should get it out when the house is sold. This would involve a lawsuit in the equity (or chancery) division of the courts. Again, you'd have to find an attorney who would take the suit, but if someone would do it for a small retainer plus a percentage of your interest, it might be worth pursuing. Of course, you should consult with an attorney in your State about this issue before making any decisions. I could be all wrong under the law in your State, but it's certainly worth asking a question about.
Finally, if nothing else, if you left personal property in the house, and you can establish that it's yours (like photo albums with pictures of your parents, or your clothes, or other personal items that were clearly yours), you may be able to have that property returned to you. Of course, the more time that has gone by since you left the home, the less likely it is that the court will accept your claim about certain types of property, but that depends on the terms under which you left the home, and the property at issue. I mention it only because if you left family photos and heirlooms behind, you should be able to get them back.
Best of luck to you. I hope things work out.
I was involved with this man for 10 years. We lived together and had a wonderful live. We rented [together] and right after 9/11, he talked about buying a home. He said he thought we would have a better chance of getting the mortgage as my credit was bad many, many years back...He also said that his ex wife wouldn't be able to go after me for anything..He went thru a very ugly divorce right after we met.
I agreed to it as I always knew he would do right by me..Well in 2002, we bought the house. I contributed $1,200.00 each month towards the mortgage (excluding groceries, clothes, etc.)
Late last September right after I had back surgery he tells me he needs a break. He needs to know he can make it on his own...I could go on, but I'm sure you know the outcome.
Well, when I asked him to give me back what I put into the home for the last 2 years, he said NO, that it was his house and that he had contacted an attorney and I had no rights.
I moved out and left almost everything. When I tell you that, it's true..I left everything. I moved into an apartment. And here he is living large in this home which has now almost doubled in price.
I did contact an attorney . . . and he told me that I did not have any rights as common law is not considered legal in [my State]. He was a very nice and said I could spend thousands and thousands of dollars, but would lose. He asked, why I didn't sign a cohabitation agreement. I had never heard of it before.
I know nothing can be done, but I thought I'd ask anyway. [By the way], I think everyone should be made aware of this "cohabitation agreement."
A. I really hate these kind of situations because they are so unfair. It sounds as if you, in good faith, relied on a guy you thought you could rely on, but when he was done with you, he dumped you, without any consideration of your time together, the things you did for each other, or the things you did for him. Then, to add insult to injury, he acts like the last ten years was nothing more than a long date.
Unfortunately, that is the risk of getting heavily and deeply involved with someone without the benefit of marriage. With marriage, there are definite rules involved, and ways to divide property. This is not usually so with "live-in" relationships. However, some courts and some states have recognized the unfairness of the "live-in" situations after they end. A co-habitation agreement sounds like a good solution before the fact. For instances like yours that arise after the fact, I know that some states also recognize "palimony" suits. If I remember correctly, California first recognized that folks who lived together for a long period of time, and invested together in things like property, businesses, and stock, each have interests that should be recognized and divided between them once the relationship ends.
I do not know if your state recognizes palimony suits. However, I urge you to contact a family law attorney in your area and ask about a palimony suit, specifically. Make sure you give detail to the attorney when you explain the situation, because ten years is a long time to be living with someone, and investing in real estate, and leaving your personal belongings behind, for you to have to walk away with nothing. I suggest you consult with someone sooner, rather than later, because there may be a time period involved in bringing such an action, if they're recognized at all.
In addition, it's not entirely clear from your question who was on the deed, who was on the mortgage, and who was supposed to pay what to who. If there is some kind of writing to establish that you were paying $1,200 per month towards the mortgage (maybe you made a note on your checks that this was towards the mortgage?), and you paid something like $25,000 or $30,000 towards the mortgage over the past two years, you might be able to convince a judge that you have that much equity in the property and should get it out when the house is sold. This would involve a lawsuit in the equity (or chancery) division of the courts. Again, you'd have to find an attorney who would take the suit, but if someone would do it for a small retainer plus a percentage of your interest, it might be worth pursuing. Of course, you should consult with an attorney in your State about this issue before making any decisions. I could be all wrong under the law in your State, but it's certainly worth asking a question about.
Finally, if nothing else, if you left personal property in the house, and you can establish that it's yours (like photo albums with pictures of your parents, or your clothes, or other personal items that were clearly yours), you may be able to have that property returned to you. Of course, the more time that has gone by since you left the home, the less likely it is that the court will accept your claim about certain types of property, but that depends on the terms under which you left the home, and the property at issue. I mention it only because if you left family photos and heirlooms behind, you should be able to get them back.
Best of luck to you. I hope things work out.
posted by David Kendall at
5:54 PM
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