What to do when your boyfriend's wife won't agree to divorce him.
Q. My boyfriend is still married. He got married about 4 years ago and is now trying to get a divorce. He and his wife were married in [one state] but now she lives in [another state]. She will not agree to divorce him. They have no kids together. Is there a way of getting his divorce annd her not knowing about it or is it something that they both need to do together?
A. There are ways to get a divorce (and, in some states, dissolutions of marriages) without the other party being present. For instance, one party can allege something like "abandonment" and, after a set period of time (which is different in every state -- New Jersey is 18 months), the court will enter an order of divorce. Of course, issues like alimony, division of property, child custody, and that sort of thing, cannot be easily sorted out or resolved if both parties are not present. This could make things difficult if your married boyfriend wants to sell the marital home (or have you move in). If his wife objects, it could get ugly, because she has an interest in marital assets, like the home, cars, and other property, that she can exercise even if she doesn't consent to the divorce. The guy you're seeing will most definitely want to consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law in the state in which he's living so that he can explore his options.
One more thing, which is completely outside the legal issue you raised, but it did pop into my head. Now, you are obviously much more familiar with the situation than I am, so I won't presume to know the back story of your relationship. However, I would suggest that you assure yourself that the guy you're seeing is really actively interested in obtaining a divorce, and not just feeding you a line. Believe it or not, some guys actually claim that they wish their wives would consent to a divorce but she's just not willing to do so. This makes it easy for the guy to step out on his wife without having to lose the "security" of his family while at the same time giving the guy the chance to have a girlfriend on the side. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that's what this guy is doing; I'm just saying.
Best of luck to you.
A. There are ways to get a divorce (and, in some states, dissolutions of marriages) without the other party being present. For instance, one party can allege something like "abandonment" and, after a set period of time (which is different in every state -- New Jersey is 18 months), the court will enter an order of divorce. Of course, issues like alimony, division of property, child custody, and that sort of thing, cannot be easily sorted out or resolved if both parties are not present. This could make things difficult if your married boyfriend wants to sell the marital home (or have you move in). If his wife objects, it could get ugly, because she has an interest in marital assets, like the home, cars, and other property, that she can exercise even if she doesn't consent to the divorce. The guy you're seeing will most definitely want to consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law in the state in which he's living so that he can explore his options.
One more thing, which is completely outside the legal issue you raised, but it did pop into my head. Now, you are obviously much more familiar with the situation than I am, so I won't presume to know the back story of your relationship. However, I would suggest that you assure yourself that the guy you're seeing is really actively interested in obtaining a divorce, and not just feeding you a line. Believe it or not, some guys actually claim that they wish their wives would consent to a divorce but she's just not willing to do so. This makes it easy for the guy to step out on his wife without having to lose the "security" of his family while at the same time giving the guy the chance to have a girlfriend on the side. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that's what this guy is doing; I'm just saying.
Best of luck to you.
posted by David Kendall at
5:22 PM
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