If My Ex is Living With Someone, How Long Do I Have To Pay Her Alimony?

Q. I signed a divorce agreement which states "alimony is paid until she remarries". We have been divorced for just over a year.

Since the divorce she had a child with another guy. The guy is currently living with her and their child. I believe she does not want to marry him because she will lose the remaining 3 years of alimony. Is there any legal recourse for me under the divorce laws [because] they're living together with a child birthed by them; would [that] be the same as being married?


A. As I understand it, your ex is living with a guy and the child they had together. You're paying alimony right now, which is supposed to continue for either four years, or until she remarries. You want to stop paying alimony because she's living with this guy.

The simple answer is: you can't.

Don't get me wrong. Your position makes a certain amount of sense. However, it's doubtful that you'll be able to avoid your alimony obligation on this ground alone. You agreed to pay for four years, or until she remarried. We're within four years, and she hasn't remarried. Under the divorce decree, your obligation continues. (Now, if you'd also included some language in the divorce decree about reducing your alimony obligation if she moves in with someone and shares living expenses, you might have an argument.)

That doesn't mean that you can't tell the court about this situation. Ordinarily, in most states, you have the opportunity to file a motion to ask the court to review your divorce decree based on "changed circumstances." You don't say what state you live in, and you don't tell me all of the circumstances of your situation (and you don't need to -- I'm just qualifying my answer here), but in most instances, if the monetary situation between you and your ex changes, you can ask the court to modify the terms of the divorce decree. For instance, if you lost your job, you could ask the court to review and revise your alimony obligation based on your reduced income. Now, that doesn't mean the court will agree with you, but you are allowed to ask.

Under the facts that you've presented me, you certainly have the basis for a motion. As the wise man said, you'll never know the answer if you don't ask the question.

Best of luck.

Do I Have A Claim For Inadvertent Underage Drinking?

Q. On Mother's Day in May 2005 we went to Applebee's and my 11-year-old son got served an alcoholic drink, which was supposed to go to my husband. They were very similar because one was a raspberry lemonade and the other was the same (not sure of name), but with rum in it. The drink was given to my son, put in front of him. My son sucked it down because he was so thirsty. About 15 minutes later, we told the waitress that my husband did not receive his drink and she looked stunned and took my son's glass. About 5 minutes later, I saw people (workers) whispering and pointing from the bar. I realized what had happened and went up to them. I asked them was there or was there not alcohol in my son's drink. They said yes and got the manager. She came over and I told her the situation and she said she was going to get the district manager. A gentleman came over, who we thought was the district manager, and said he was sorry and he would like to give us dessert or a drink on the house. I said we'll think about it. Then another man comes over and apologized profusely, only to find out that the 2nd guy was a manager in training or something like that. He seemed like he was supposed to sugarcoat things. They took an incident report and paid for our dinner. My son fell asleep at the table, we took home his food, and he passed out on the couch when he got home only to wake up with a headache. I was so worried about my son that I did not enjoy my dinner at all. A person from their insurance company called me a day later to apologize and to see how my son was. I told her the situation and she said she would look into it further and would try to correct the problem. I never heard from anyone else from Applebee's and I felt it happens. Now I heard on the news that [another child] in [the city] was served an alcoholic drink also. I am appalled that this happens. So far there are two cases within a two-month period. Do I have a case with Applebee's? I really want to prove a point that this is going on and they should train their personnel and supervise their personnel better.


A. I get these kind of questions all of the time. Just recently, I answered a similar one here. I've started categorizing these questions as "mountain-out-of-molehill" questions because they tend to make much ado about nothing.

Here's the situation as I understand it. Applebees made a mistake by accidentally serving a drink containing alcohol in it to your son. After you pointed the mistake out to Applebees, they apologized and offered to pay for dessert or a drink. You said you'd think about it. You took your son home, he fell asleep on the couch, and woke up with a headache. Although you didn't say, I'm assuming he had no other ill effects.

Now, with those facts, where are we going with this case? As I've mentioned on the air, and elsewhere in my blog, the key component of any lawsuit (after proving some wrong was committed) is establishing your damages. What are your damages? So far, I don't see any. Frustration? Anger? Discomfort? You didn't enjoy your dinner? I mean, even accepting that you were upset back in May 2005, you've had plenty of time to get over it, and that's what just about any juror, and any insurance adjuster, would say upon examining these facts.

I don't mean to sound harsh, and I'm certainly going to give you the benefit of the doubt here, because I know that you love your son and you were very concerned at the time. Serving alcohol to an 11 year old is certainly something we'd like our restaraunts to avoid. But, you obviously detected the problem, and when you brought it to their attention, they offered to fix things for you. Are you happy with the way they handled things, or with what they offered to do? Obviously not, but they were probably concerned that you might be sue-happy, and wanted to be careful with how they handled things.

Here's my advice. I've said this many times before, and I'll say it again. First, you need to get over this. These kind of nuisance claims give lawyers and litigants a bad name. Sure, you could probably find some lawyer to write a strongly worded letter, and maybe even file a complaint on your behalf, but the most you'd get is some nuisance money. Even assuming that all you wanted to do was effect a change in the training policy at Applebees, a lawsuit on these facts is not the vehicle through which such changes will be made.

In my opinion, your best bet is to write a strongly worded letter, brief and to the point, to the Applebees where all this happened. You should express your dismay that your concerns remain unaddressed. You should demand from them what you're looking for -- a letter of apology from the Chairman, or a free dinner, or whatever it is that will make you feel as if your concerns have been addressed. Keep it brief and to the point, and send a copy to the corporate headquarters and the insurance company with which you spoke. You might get some relief this way, but I wouldn't expect much.

Can you file a lawsuit? As I've mentioned before, you can sue anyone for anything. Can you win? That's really the key question here. As I stated, you might possibly get some nuisance money, but that's only a possibility. (Just so you know, if I'm defending this case, I would make you go to trial and prove what damages you actually sustained. But that's just me.)

Anyway, I'm sorry if all this sounds kind of harsh. But I'm just trying to emphasize -- to you and to everyone -- that not every little inconvenience in life, and not every honest mistake, and not every slip in judgment, leads to an actionable claim.

Thanks again, and good luck.

What can I do about the dentist bill my ex stuck me with?

Q. I will be taking my ex husband to small claims court next week. Our divorce was final in March - I did receive a settlement amount which was just for him buying me out of our house. I did not include any credit cards, separation of property or any of the nitty gritty. However, we did have a dentist bill of about $4,000.00. My dentist told me I am responsible for the entire amount of the bill, because all the work was done under my insurance. My divorce lawyer told me that was not true. I tried to get the money from him for this bill before the divorce papers were signed - but he and his lawyer told me they would not entertain the idea of giving me half of this money. My lawyer in return told me to sign the papers and take him to small claims court. I have an itemized bill from the dentist stating how much money my dental work was and how much his was. I am asking him to pay me back for the amount of money his dental work totaled. Do you think I have a chance of getting this money - it's about $2,600?

A. I'm going to try to break this down a couple of ways. First, if you -- just you -- go to the dentist, you owe him for work he does. That's true, whether you have insurance or not, and that's because, whether your insurance agrees to pay or not, someone's got to pay, and that someone is you, because you had the work done. Same for your husband. If he goes to the dentist, he owes for work done on his mouth. Second, if you -- as a married person -- go to the dentist, the same thing is true. However, in some circumstances, your spouse can be liable for debts jointly incurred (house, car, or an agreement to pay for your bills are examples of such situations.)

Now, in your case, it sounds like the dentist did work on you, and then did work on your husband. Simply put, you each owe for your own work. Now, if your insurance didn't pay, but should have, you may have a claim against them, but you each still owe for the services rendered for each of you.

Now, if you paid for your husband's work, you may have a claim against him, especially if you were divorced at the time. (If you were still married, it's possible that you could be considered jointly liable for some of his debts, depending on a number of things, including your dentist's payment agreement (that's one of those papers you filled out when you first became a patient) and your State's laws. But that's a separate question.)

This latter possibility explains why the dentist believed that you were liable for the bill. However, your husband still has an obligation to reimburse you for bills you paid on his behalf -- especially if you're now divorced. So, to answer your question, based on what you've told me, it seems like you should have a reasonable chance of success in court. However, a lot depends on when the work was done, what agreement you had with the dentist, and whether you have actually paid the amount due for your husband's work. Good luck.

Oh, by the way, off the top of my head, it does seem odd that this bill was not resolved as part of the divorce. The fact that it wasn't could depend on a number of things, including when it was incurred, the amount of the bill, the status of the marriage at the time of the dental work, and so on. However, if the bill is still not resolved, and it was incurred during the marriage, it may be possible to file a Motion in the family court to have the bill addressed. Of course, the cost of chasing after a $2,600 bill might be far more expensive that the amount you're looking for, so you'd want to consider that before making any such motion.