Family Feud -- No, Really

Q. My family has been friends with another family now for many years. A family dispute sent the son of that family fleeing in our direction. Instead of leaving this 18 year old boy to live in his truck with everything that he owns, my father allowed him to stay here until his family worked things out. The day that he told his mother that he was leaving, his family went into an outrage and told my mother and father that they would pay for taking away their son and grandson. The next day they had their wills changed to take him off. Now they are threatening to sue my mother and father because we wouldn't allow this boy to live in his truck or on the streets until they had a chance to work things out. They say that we took him away and now we will pay. He is 18 and we were just being helpful until they worked out their family problems. Can they really do that?

A. Let me make sure I've got this straight. Your neighbors' 18-year-old son is now living with your parents (and you) in your parents' house, and the neighbors are upset. Well, the simple answer is this: Ain't nothing wrong with that. The son is 18. He can live on Mars, if he can get there and, as long as it's okay with your parents, there's nothing illegal, inequitable, immoral or . . . well, it's ok that he does that.

That doesn't mean there won't be complications. I'm assuming that this was just a normal family squabble between the neighbors and their son. If he's 18, he can move out of the house and pretty much do whatever he wants to do and they can't really stop him. (Of course, they can cut him off financially, put his stuff out on the curb, refuse to speak to him, change the locks, not invite him for Thanksgiving, and apply a heavy coating of parental guilt over everything, but that's an entirely different set of family issues.)

Then, there's the emotional devastation that accompanies this family fights. Those hard feelings may spill over into your family as well, and it seems that your neighbors intend to make sure that happens. Nevertheless, there really isn't a valid "cause of action" that I can think of that your neighbors could assert against your parents for putting their son up. Even if they filed something in court, they can't show how they have been damaged by your parents putting their son up and, in
order to win in a lawsuit, you've got to show some kind of monetary, physical, or property damage. Of course, having handled family matters in my time, I know that the emotions tend to run very high, and people sometimes do crazy things -- like file a frivolous lawsuit -- even if they cannot possibly win in the long run.

The biggest casualty of this will likely be the relationship between your parents and the neighbors. Families tend to make up; friends and neighbors don't always do that. If your parents are (or were) close with the neighbors, the neighbors may hold a grudge that they might never release, blaming your parents for "coming between them," even though your folks merely offered their son a safe harbor. As I said, people have crazy, irrational reactions when emotions are involved. I do commend your folks for taking the son in; I personally believe that you should always try to help out in situations like this. I'm hopeful the neighbors will appreciate this good deed somewhere down the road.

Good luck.

David Kendall